&& i found it. that paradise.

It's 11.50 pm and i reckon this is gonna be quite a long post cos im gonna post about quite a lot of things that i haven't posted that i should have posted. I know my recent posts have been all fluff and almost content-less. XD

Well, the thing is, i'm not even feeling emo, i just felt like posting. I've just written in my own personal diary even, which hasn't been updated for quite a while till a while ago.

You guys know what the title of this post is?

"The Real Thing About Holidays", that is. It's like, my holiday has kinda been...wrong. I've been doing the not-so-right stuff. The holiday i've planned is:

1) Going to jap class
2) Going to guitar class
3) Going to work
4) Study and revise science and math
5) Finish up homework asap
6) Self study French
7) Revamp my site
8) Do some wardrobe SOS
9) Finish watching "Till Death Do Us Part" and "Tokyo Juliet" and "Ouran High School"

And the thing is, i haven't done any of the above except point No.3. Work and trainings are now taking up most of the time. I've hardly any time to go out. Dad doesn't really allow as well. So i stay at home and use the computer. But every now and then, Mum and Dad come in, telling me to finish up some insurance paper work that i had to do. Cause it's the hols for me and it seems to them, that i've got no excuse to reject.

Work is sometimes really bad. Sometimes you make mistake and the people there give you that look or say something mean. It can be good at times, of course. But if i had to choose, i'd rather not work. But i'm not a rich girl who has like an 8 digit trust fund. I can't slack off my hols doing what i want and plain eating off my parents. I know i've gotta help them out whenever and wherever possible. That is why i'm working. It's for the better. And i get to buy what i want. Without having to take money from them, that sense of accomplishment is really satisfying.

And now that i'm really in a triple science class, i'm becoming worried that i might not be able to take the stress. :( Physics and chemistry that is. My science is so bad, i failed the EOY paper. I completely didn't know how to do. I'm telling the truth. I couldn't do a shit except stare and stare at the question. It was really terrifying. Next year's gonna be worse i think. I'm really quite doubtful and uncertain, what if i can;t do science next year? Will i have to drop my science?

Thinking about it now, maybe i should just have chosen the double science + hist stream. At least i won't worry so much. At least. But now what? I've chosen. I haven't regret my decision.. But i'm just unsure of what to do. Maybe i'll really have to take tuition. I don't know. I'm confused.

And the splitting of classes for 2I had been quite sad. I just want 2I to stay together. I'm in 3G, it seems like a good class..With quite a number of people i know, and with other 5 Ismosians and 3 volleyballers.. It almost seems to good to be true.

But i know. I'll miss the others.

Let's just talk about the really close ones. (Not that i don't/won't miss the not-so-close ones!) Cause i really will miss those closer ones.

Siya, Elizabeth, Beverly, Shiyun, Hilda, Sulin, and maybe Yanlin.

I know i'll still be meeting Siya during trainings, but it's so hard. To see her only during trainings. I've always crapped so much with her. I think i crapped the most with her. We send each other the most crappy, stupid and nonsensical msges to each other. It's gonna cease to exist soon, though, now that we aren't going to be in the same class. It's just hard. Hell, will i miss her. That lamer.

Elizabeth is my only popcorn partner in crime. She's also my only laogong. I always go home with her, a lot of times at least. Sometimes we don;t even talk so much on the bus home. Cause there is like almost nothing to say. We know like almost everything about each other. And so we sit in easy silence the way home. But usually the silence would be broken by either me or her. Cause we just talk too much. I'll always remember the time where we always shared the $1.50 salted popcorn from the little vendor outside DBS Tampines building. I'll remember that cackle and fat apple cheeks, my dear oxymoron.

Beverly? I knew her quite well since orientation. We've been great friends ever since, till now. She was the one who got me the job as well. She's forever so noisy and irritating and so talkative. But i love her for that. She's smart, but she's just not hardworking enough. And she has sat beside me for a long time. I really will miss her. Who am i going to hit while reading comics??? Whose tissue box am i going to doodle on? Who is going to lend me the J*Star/Colour/Fan magazines with Fahrenheit on the cover page? Nobody, but Beverly.

Shiyun...is my laopo, hah. Without her, nobody's probably going to argue with me on the bus non stop, on the way home. She's always talking so fast, then i can't help but laugh. And she goes like "Gen1 ni3 jiang3 hua4, wo3 hui4 qi4 si4!!!" and you just have to smile. Or when she complains to you about how she is being mistreated or wronged for something, and she gets so agitated. And she has to keep laughing while being angry when talking to me cause somehow, i always make her laugh. And...miss her? Definitely.

Hilda and Sulin are my lushikoh mates. It would be hard, now that Sulin is leaving Dunman High, for us to meet as often. There's be no Sulin or Hilda poking me suddenly in the stomach, just for the sake of poking. There'll prolly be fewer lushikoh outings, we'll take less neos, and less of the amazingly good times. I'll miss the Lushikoh outings, and more importantly, the two of them. I will.. miss them.

I have become closer to Yanlin not too long ago, because of Bev i think. We all share the love for singing. And i gave her my Totto Chan book. In return she lends me her Jap magazines and a pending Studio Ghibli. Without her, who is going to lend me those Jap mags??? Then sometimes we go out together. Honestly, i don't share many memories with her compared to the others. But we've become quite close, and we are sort of hanging out together all the time that it is hard to imagine what it would be like with her laughter and crappy jokes out of the picture.

Rachel Chua and Siew Ting are still gonna be in the same class as me, thus i'm not writing about them. And the above is in no particular order, i do not rank my friends. They are all really close, and really great friends.

I love all of them!

You know what? Maybe the title should be changed to "Friends-and those Memories" but it's ok. The title doesn;t really matter. I should go. It's been a pretty long post and it's 12.40 now. I took like one hour to type this post.

But it's worthed it.

Good night~ And sweet dreams.

♥ Hello.
This is my blog. my personal space, no designs no nothing. just my blog.
All my other stuff are at WithLove, it's my portfolio.
There's no rules. Let me be me. I don't have to explain whatever that i do or say in here.
It's not exactly the greatest blog ever which has happy endings all the time, it's just a little online diary where i gather certain bits and pieces of my life
Click alt-F4 if you are unhappy. I don't need you here, dampening my mood.

I'm Pamela, 14 years old, living in the sunny beautiful island of Singapore. I'm Asian, tanned and a volleyballer. I love shopping, slacking and reading. I prefer to think myself to be an optimist. I'm a bit of a blur queen, late queen and drama queen. And i appreciate the finer things in life. My birthday is on the 23rd May 1992. You really better remember it.